⚾ Season Preview – The Bullpen

The Ninja Turtles were a major part of my late-80s through early-90s entertainment (also: ALF) I suppose we all enjoy shows we can relate to. To refresh your memory, here’s the theme song.

Oh, it’s stupid? Well those lyrics were written by Chuck Lorre… maybe you’ve heard of him? He only created two of the most successful shows ever:  Big Bang Theory & Charlie Sheen+1.5 Men

(as you can tell…I really need some actual baseball…the season cannot get here soon enough)

Moving along…

 

RAPHAEL:  Rafael Soriano
rafael-soriano-baseball-headshot-photoI guess I was pretty much handcuffed by his first name, but the more I thought about it, he absolutely is the Raph of this squad.

The way he emphatically untucks his shirt after he earns a save can only be characterized by the following:  cool — but crude

Also, he was a bit of an outcast among the other relievers when he first arrived. Although they respected him, there was some resentment expressed to the media at the franchise’s decision to bring in another closer. That was only done out of loyalty to Drew, but it was there. Classic Raphael. Intimidating presence.

 

 

LEONARDO:  Craig Stammen
stammenMost people would argue that the “LEADER” of the bullpen is the closer, but for me that’s the guy a Manager calls on when things go bad for the starter. He’s the first one out… he’s Leo.

He leads the march of relievers. First to engage the enemy.

He works multiple innings, grinding to keep the game close or maintain our lead, bridging the gap to late-inning specialists.

He gets little recognition. He doesn’t seek it. He does his job.

 

 

DONATELLO:  Tyler Clippard
tyler-clippard-baseball-headshot-photo-2Donnie and Tyler are both sort of nerds (check out the frames of those glasses) and they are geniuses (his amazing changeup is clearly the result of a mad scientist’s experiment) and they’re resourceful (he turned 3 pitches into a 2011 All Star Game win)

Tyler Clippard is a machine.

Clipp has been the essential gear of our relief for so long that I can’t imagine this team closing out a win without him. The guy has been Terminating opposing batters forever now. Like a T-8, just when you think he’s done for — he comes back — with a K.

 

 

MICHAELANGELO:  Drew Storen
drewHere’s the thing about Mikey…

Back in the day… he was easily my #1… I thought he was the best one… But now? I kinda realize… he fucking ANNOYS me… Maybe it’s mean… Maybe it’s not completely justified… Still… the fact remains… I get irritated whenever I see him… All his positive attributes seem to have faded away… All the things I used to like about him are gone… even if they’re still there…
I can’t see them anymore… I only remember his screw-ups…

YOU RUINED THE PARTY DUDE.

 

 


SPLINTER:  
Ross Ohlendorf
ohlendorf_USATS_300pxBecause he’s another one leading the way out the pen.

 

Because he can also fill-in whenever he’s needed.

 

But mostly because of that ancient windup.